1. 36 Crazyfists
2. Finger Eleven
3. Third Eye Blind
4. Nine Inch Nails
5. Six Feet Under
6. Five Finger Death Punch
7. 69 Eyes
1. “We’re sorry you’re all a bunch of idiots who can’t have nice things.”
1. The subject line begins: “Creed”
2. It’s obviously from a PR firm, but is made to look like a forward, for example “Fwd: INSIDE THE MUSIC/AUG DOCUMENTARY SERIES”. Insta-delete.
3. The email begins: “Dear There, ”
4. The content of the email reads:
Dear Friend,
This is Abigail.
I am contacting you through this contact form as there is no email address available. lies!
I just came across your blog site through GOOGLE search and wanted to inform you that we offer you FREE seo services such as article, directory submissions, social bookmarking for your blog or website at FREE of cost. This will help increase your site traffic and Page Rank.
5. You asked me something that I’ve already answered in a previous email.
1. Something absurd happens.
2. Jack Bauer is called in to save the day, as no one else on the planet is as awesome as he is at yelling in people’s faces, shooting them through walls, stabbing scissors into their necks, and generally trying to get himself killed.
3. The other agents speak in “computery” terms that make them sound completely ridiculous to anyone who knows anything about how computers work: “I’m going to vector that firewall’s hard drive to my monitor’s bus!”
4. The very people who called him in to help actively work against Jack, so instead of having the full weight of a team behind him, he has to work with one or 2 agents who have to cover their monitors and sneak around corners into server rooms.
5. Jack stabs someone in the neck with scissors/chops his buddy’s hand off/shoots a room of 50 armed men in the face with one clip from his gun/levitates/builds Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, saves the Rebel Alliance, destroys Babylon 4, gives Worf some pointers, and makes it home in time for an early breakfast, where he eats bullets, using bullets, on a plate of bullets.
6. Jack does not sleep.
7. 3:59:59.
